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Tip of the Hat
A Tip of the Hat is Stephen's way of saying he approves. Stephen does not wear a hat, which would make the tipping of the hat difficult, but that is largely inconsequential. In his gut, he wears a hat. Many believe he has eaten it (Stetson was always a Colbert delicacy growing up). Stephen has given a tip of the hat to many famous people including J.K. Rowling, Hungarians, Jesus Hans Christ, Lord Voldemort, the margin of error in politics and Pat Robertson. Bears and Hats Hat tips of this type are customary in Americanist countries, and are therefore dreaded by bears. In fact, if you wear a hat in the woods, you can bet that somewhere there is a bear planning to kill you. However, hunters which are determined to show their American spirit, have found a way to foil the bears' attempt to ban hats from the woods. Bright Orange The color bright orange has been proven to scare away bears, and therefore hunters have decided to wear orange hats. It is a common misconception that these hats are to keep the hunters from shooting each other but that is simply not true. If you want some proof, just ask that guy that Vice President Cheney shot in the face. These orange hats identify a man as an American Patriot, and symbolize the fight against bearorism. Tips of the Hat * Iraqi television for airing Iraqi Star which encourages Iraqis to vote - for their favorite pop star * Wal-Mart for changing its shoplifting policy so it can focus on theft by its own employees * Teens of America for taking frequent trips 'downtown' in their quest for abstinence * Tom Cruise for tagging, snagging and bagging it with his Cruise Missile * Lauren Hutton for nuding up in Big magazine (see also Wag of the Finger) * To Exxon for posting the 5th largest corporate profit in history * Charlize Theron for being hot * Escaped convicted murderers for elevating security at our nation's prisons * Yale University School of Music's free tuition * NASA for stumbling on microbes on Mars, but accidentally destroying them (therefore ensuring life only exists on Earth) * The Gays for their Washington marriage initiative * 11 Feet of Snow for proving global warming is a myth * Australian Prime Minister John Howard for slamming Barack Obama's Iraq criticism (see also Wag of the Finger) *107 year old Chan Chi of Hong Kong for 77 years of abstinence *Duke University graduate John Cornwell for his beer-launching mini-fridge *To GLAAD for disqualifying gay-centric networks from their media awards. Having a whole network of gay? That's a little gay. *To mansheep - a 15% human - 85% sheep hybrid *To Shrek for promoting more exercise for kids *To Shrek again for spreading his health message through joint ventures with Snickers, Pop Tarts, Skittles, Cheetos, McDonalds, PEZ, M&Ms, Eggo waffles, Frosted Flakes, Sierra Mist, E.L. Fudge Double Stuff and Berry Berry Banana Yogos Bits *To the French, for hating the French *The Boston Pops for livening up the classics with brawls in the audience *Bookseller Tom Wayne for burning his entire inventory to mourn the death of the printed word *Genosis, for Fer-tell, a men's infertility test *Arnold Schwarzenegger for telling immigrants to learn to speak American *Republicans (at least the 68% of them who don't believe in evolution) *Michael Chertoff and his gut feeling *To Subway Sandwiches for bringing back meal time toys in the form of knives baked into their sandwiches. Midterm Elections Edition *A rare tip to liberal Air America Radio for filing for bankruptcy *The +/-5% margin of error for giving Republicans hope for the 2006 elections *Sandy Sullivan, a Wisconsin candidate for Secretary of State who nailed most of the Green Bay Packers in the 1960's Quitters Edition *San Francisco 49ers Christmas Style * The Archangel Gabriel for making sure that Keisha Castle-Hughes is as Immaculately knocked up as The Blessed Virgin Mary. * Rolling Stone Magazine's December 14, 2006 issue for recognizing that the birth of Our Lord is some chronic stank. Culture War Edition *''Bodies: The Exhibition'', an exhibit of the preserved, dissected human bodies by the artist God *Rodan - for his colorful destruction of the Japanese countryside and expressive use of gamma rays Science And Technology Edition * CES, for being America's greatest tribute to conspicuous consumption **Sharp's 108" flat panel TV **The Taser International C2 Personal Protector *NASA for killing our enemies on Mars in the name of Jesus See also *Wag of the Finger *Tip of the Hat